


b.o.m.d

by spells



Series: diary 001 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Daydreaming, Feelings, Gen, Insecurity, Introspection, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 22:42:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16417406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spells/pseuds/spells
Summary: you're the boy of my dreams





	b.o.m.d

**Author's Note:**

> this work is part of series! it probably can be read by itself but it works better if you read all instances. either way, enjoy!  
> title, summary and prompt come from clairo's song, b.o.m.d  
> huge thanks to bee for being an amazing beta, check her out at [livennadin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/livennadin/pseuds/livennadin)

Shouyou thumbs through his chat with Kenma and reads the texts they’d sent each other the night before. Involuntarily, a small smile stretches its way across his face. He feels his stomach tight and full of butterflies, and presses his lips tight against each other to diminish his grin.

Gosh, he likes Kenma. So bad. To a point where it’s stupid, because he’s fallen this hard this fast, and he can’t help but daydream. He wants to kiss Kenma, cuddle, and take care of him. Because the boy matters so much to him, he’s the one person he loves to hear about more than anyone else. He’s the one person Shouyou indulges in –  _ detailed  _ – daydreams over.

He looks back down at his phone and breathes deeply, feeling soft and warm like a marshmallow over the campfire, like pudding, like pie. Pudding, like Kenma’s hair, like something they’d share and-

“What’re you doing, dumbass,” Kageyama nudges him. Shouyou looks up, and frowns. “Why are you staring at your phone like that? Stupid.”

Shouyou shows him his tongue and leans back on his chair, cheeks on fire. He closes his phone and puts it away, grabbing his bento from his desk and eating through his pout.

Yeah, yeah, sure, it’s stupid. He doesn’t care, especially not when it’s so good to spend time with Kenma, to talk to him. When he leans into him and jokes around, and he sees that bit of a smile on Kenma’s face. When they stay up late texting, talking and talking and talking.

Kenma’s incredible. Shouyou’s head over heels for him.

The only thing that hurts, in the slightest, is how it feels like Kenma doesn’t feel the same.

Shouyou stares at his sausage octopus and wishes it could help him reason. It’d be better at it than Kageyama ever could, with his angry face and his  _ dumbass!  _ habit. Shouyou could talk to one of his senpais, sure Suga-san would understand, but it’s something he wouldn’t be capable of talking about. Not in a way that makes sense, anyway – they already don’t get what he’s saying, and he doesn’t even touch the subject of feelings.

He knows Kenma is shy and quiet, and an introvert (a shy, reticent person, was what Google told him that was). Still, don’t those people show their feelings the same way? Don’t they show their feelings at all? Kenma invited him around, and seems to enjoy Shouyou’s company, but it’s still nothing more than with his other friends. Like, he’s far more intimate with Kuroo, and they’re not together. What would show that he  _ likes  _ likes him?

When Shouyou visited him, a couple weeks before, it’d been such a good time. Even if it was just for a day, just a few hours, Shouyou’s impossibly glad he took the trip. He’d forgotten all the details, all the little things about Kenma that squeeze his heart deep in his chest. How his hair never fails to fall in front of his face and Kenma is always flustered to tuck it behind his ears. How he frowns when he’s having a bit of a harder time than usual going through a game. How his voice is smooth and plain, indescribably lovely to hear.

Just thinking about it makes Shouyou flush, makes his heart speed a little and makes him feel cheesy. He’s stupidly romantic, Shouyou, with all he wants to do when he manages to get into a relationship. He wants to test all the things from the dramas his mom likes, see if they’re as nice as the actors make them seem. His confidence might be over-the-top, but he thinks he’d be a fine gentleman and an even finer boyfriend to whomever he dates.

Hopefully, Kenma.

Shouyou wishes he could tell him, or show him how he’d treat him right. If Kenma got even a peek at Shouyou’s feelings, he would understand, he would like him back. There’s no way! Shouyou feels so much when he’s with Kenma in any way, as if his heart had climbed its way up to his throat, as if he suddenly belongs, as if the puzzle inside him has finally been solved. 

It’s not just that, either. He craves, he wants to be with Kenma all the time. Even if it’s all platonic, his company is so soothing, so pleasant. It helps him improve, and teaches him stuff, and is outright enjoyable, too. He really hopes the feeling goes both ways, but there’s absolutely no way for him to know.

He isn’t even that good, especially compared to Kenma. Shouyou’s loud, a little senseless, and immature. He tries to tone it down, to be better, but it’s difficult to shy away from who he naturally tends to be. It’s such an effort, so much work to go against something he can’t help, that it becomes tiring, and feels awful. Almost like he’s constantly playing pretend, constantly acting the role of someone else.

There’s no reason for someone to like him the way he is, though.

Sighing, Shouyou munches bitterly on his sausage and looks over at Kageyama, who’s reading his own notes. It must be so much easier for him, Shouyou thinks, because he doesn’t seem to deal with romantic problems. He doesn’t seem to be suffering of unrequited love, doesn’t seem to have much to worry about besides volleyball and school. Shouyou wishes he could be in his place, going through his problems, and leaving the setter to deal with his. The thought makes him giggle, so that Kageyama turns to frown at him.

In the end, everything is okay, all fine. He’s free to like Kenma as much as he wants, have as big of a crush as he needs, as he does. It doesn’t keep him from being his friend, from enjoying his company or anything like that – if anything, it only helps him appreciate their time together even more. He just has to avoid making it weird. Avoid ruining it for himself, and destroying a friendship he hopes Kenma cherishes.

He at least has that, he thinks, poking his rice with his chopstick. He’s Kenma’s friend, and that’s incredible. It makes him happy, floaty, cheerful, straight out of a dream.

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/karasunya) | [tumblr](http://gymthree.tumblr.com/)  
>  thank you for reading! kudos, comments and bookmarks are great incentive, but do as you please!


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